you traded sex for a burrito?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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