he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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