I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
