What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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