All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
