2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
