It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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