the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
