Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
