you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
