I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize