Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
