dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
