I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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