If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
