my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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