and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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