he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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