I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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