Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
