If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
