btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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