I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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