When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
