I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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