I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
