We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
