so explain again why im purple
no
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
