and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
