first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
