Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
