i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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