12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
