just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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