you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
