There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize