its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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