my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize