he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
