i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
