We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
