it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
