No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
