It's Friday. Sex?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
