OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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