just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
