The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
