When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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