I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Damn victory sex feels great
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
