24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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