I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
