I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
