you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
