I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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