So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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