my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
