upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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