I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
