You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
