i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
