his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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