Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
this hospital has no fireball
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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