She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
