i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize